Friday, December 10, 2010

Banana Drama

Terrified FDA Warns Something Making Bananas Brown After Several Days [Onion. 11.29.10 ISSUE 46•48]

WASHINGTON—The Food & Drug Administration made an emergency announcement Monday to alert all U. S. citizens that "a force or forces unknown" is turning seemingly normal bananas brown, soft, and virtually inedible in as little as 72 hours.

"Whatever is causing the dramatic and frankly disgusting changes in these bananas is able to penetrate any container and is completely undetectable by any known instrument," said visibly shaken FDA commissioner Dr. Margaret Hamburg, adding that the brown sections of banana were "quite mushy and gross." "We urge anyone currently in possession of normal yellow bananas to consume them immediately, before this mysterious browning malignancy can strike—and it will strike."

The disturbing news comes only weeks after the FDA's announcement that bananas' tough, fibrous outer layer should always be removed before consumption.

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