Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Exclusive Interview with Ultimate Problems

The entertaining twitter account of Ultimate Problems (@UltiProblems) began tweeting in December 2011 and has nearly 5,000 followers. Since February 2013, Ultimate Problems brought its talents to Facebook.

Just one problem when conversing with a celebrity like Ultimate Problems...what question to ask first?

Read on for our uncomplicated conversation.

SLUDGE: So, have you ever played Ultimate?
UltiProblems: Like...today? Yes.

SLUDGE: When did you first realize Ultimate might have a problem?
UltiProblems: When I first heard about the existence of Ultimate, and thought "What a stupid name for a sport. I'm not playing that." Years later, when I first played Ultimate, I wondered why it took me so long to play it for the first time. To be fair, if Ultimate was called "Flatball" I don't know if that would have made any difference.

SLUDGE: What is causing so many Ultimate problems?
UltiProblems: Playing Ultimate. Of course, playing Ultimate solves a lot of problems too. It's a vicious cycle.

SLUDGE: Who should Ultimate players ultimately blame for Ultimate problems?
UltiProblems: Sadly, we only have ourselves to blame. Us...and the wind.

SLUDGE: Based on the Ultimate Problems Registry Database, are there more or less problems in Ultimate compared to past years?
UltiProblems: The more that Ultimate is played, the more problems there are. Because math.

SLUDGE: Are all Ultimate problems really "problems"?
UltiProblems: Of course there are real problems happening all over the world. Ultimate problems are typically good because they help to keep you from getting bummed out over real life problems. Except for injuries...those suck.

SLUDGE: In 50 years, what does Ultimate Problems predict will be the top problem in Ultimate?
UltiProblems: When USA Ultimate changes the Triple Crown Tour format. Again.

SLUDGE: Have you ever misspelled the word "Ultimate"?
UltiProblems: More often than I'd like. [checks answers five more times to make sure it's spelled correctly]

SLUDGE: Has an Ultimate player ever had a problem with Ultimate Problems? If so, explain.
UltiProblems: I have been fortunate to have had very little criticism (that I am aware of), but let's just say that some Ultimate players don't appreciate jokes about weed.

SLUDGE: WHEN aren't there Ultimate problems?
UltiProblems: When you're on the line and your opponents just pulled the disc.

SLUDGE: Should Ultimate players be concerned about any upcoming Ultimate problems that Ultimate Problems may be aware of?
UltiProblems: I'm just waiting for the day that I can tweet: "We have all this caviar here but we are out of toast points. #proultimateproblems" I'm guessing that will be in the next year or two.

SLUDGE: Lastly, is there anything you would like to people to know about you/Ultimate Problems?
UltiProblems: I'm just someone who loves to play Ultimate.


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